It has been a while....

It's been a while since I have seen me
since I have heard my voice
It's been a while since I have listened intently
to what my heart sings
to what my soul longs for
It's been a while since I have pictured myself in freedom
away from the chains of heart ache and longing

But I am starting to slowly stand tall again!

Strong face to the sun
my back against the wind
my arms stretched out
ready to hold onto all that God has for me
ready to speak faith to my circumstances
ready to fly high above the clouds of my adversaries

Fear is always an option
But it is not my choice
I chose this day who I will serve....
and it is the LORD, not the fear of the enemy!

Captivate me Oh God
Capture me in your praises
Dance all around me
Give me Faith, Hope, and Love

When I focus on you the time falls away
everything else melts
and it is only me and you left there to
face this world

So I open up my heart and I stretch out my arms
I wait on you to lift me up on eagles wings...
because only you Lord, will RENEW my strength!

"Prone to wander
Lord I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart, Lord
take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above....."

Each day is a step in this World of uncertain twists and trials. We wander. That is what we do. I thank God for His abundant Grace, Mercy and Love because it is much needed and appreciated.

Grasping at the tall sky
Kneeling down to see clearly
All the raindrops in the ocean separate
and come crashing down on me
I hear a voice in the distance
a far off place of mercy
and suddenly all the laughter of my memories
drown out with His words
Here, is where I brought you
Here, is where you change
Here, is where I love you
Here, is where I am
Right Here, God?
Not right here!
I am not ready
for your test
I am not ready to see your face today
for all I am is what you detest
Here, is where the healing is
Here , is where the judgment stops
Here, the accuser of the brethren falls
Here, your face looks up to sky
you can find your place again
step into your destiny
dance into your dreams
lunge into the vision that I gave to thee
Wander back into my arms now
you have been gone for far to long

Erica Michelle.... 09/23/08

to exercise or not to exercise, that is the question.

So.
Exercising the bod, exercising the mind, exercising the faith.
Exercise?....lets dive into this word. (No pun intended)
The word exercise comes from the Latin word exercitium same as exercit from exercere which means "to train" originally this word came from the word arcere which means "to restrain".....wow, can you see why the word exercise came into being? It is like the antagonist of restrain or an alternate extension of that word.
I can see first hand where you would have to restrain to train, to say no to one thing which means yes to another.
I have been exercising a lot lately, on many levels. I know that change comes when you do something different. And I have so many things I want to change.
So YES!, I am off to exercise! To change my destiny....to exercise my faith (and my fanny).
Give me strength Lord, to restrain and train myself.
Thank you for giving me vision.
You are the Almighty God!

Patient Patient

Patient Patient
Be still
Wait on your healing
give yourself some rest
Listen to the test

Patient Patient
You will recover eventually
the pain is only for a season
Everything happens for a reason
Learn the lesson,
Well.

Patient Patient
In all the sickness
that haunts today
Keep your cool and
the hate won't stay

Patient Patient
Let the surgery be done
Take out whats bad
Leave the good alone
Let it run its course

Patient Patient
There is nothing left to do
Nothing left to say
Nothing left to pray
Patience just stay

Patient Patient
wait
for another day
Speak good words
that encourage my heart to love,
Again.

Patient Patient
you wait so patiently...
your healing is just around the corner.
all of this won't be so painful
in tomorrow

What follows?

I imagined my life after I got saved to be something, well something more sweet, painless, or smooth. To my amazement I have found that the Christian walk is tough. Hands down. Everyday I deal with choices, choices of today and choices of yesterday. Reaping of past disobediences can be HEARTBREAKING, and trying to make good decisions in today and following God's will can be sometimes overwhelming but..........................Grace abounds. I believe He has an awesome plan for me. I want to believe that He has my life, my marriage, my daughter in His hands. It is so hard sometimes to just believe. It's as if THAT, is the battle....the "good fight of faith". I know God has recovered me, and redeemed me....so why does it feel like I am still paying for my stupid decisions? My mom recites the scripture..."It rains on the just and unjust"...but something inside me says "No!" I don't want to settle for that.... am I being disobedient? does God allow me to suffer to learn a lesson? I want so many things for myself now, my family, my daughter..... but I spent years yearning for nothing, just roaming this earth, dead. Am I reaping from those times? Or is it oppression, depression, frustration? I have faith hope and love for goodness in my life, I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. Please Lord, Heal my heart and renew my mind.....give me your strength to see your will in everything that I need to. Give me patience, love, kindness, and long-suffering.

I will not give up my confidence.....

Hebrews 10: 35-39 says:

... do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while,
"He who is coming will come and will not delay.
But my righteous one will live by faith.
And if he shrinks back,
I will not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

I am a believer... I believe GOD turned my life around, and postioned me to face him... because He loves me and I love him.
It seems easy to run and be defeated and comfortable, I look at some other people and their lives and I think there is really no turning back, they have come to far in their faith to turn back, but it is a daily choice to walk in that, and in the anointing... Sometimes I wonder what God truly has for me and I get caught up in the all the decisions there are to get to where HE wants me... but I remember I have to stand tall in today or I can never stand tall in tomorrow...I was listening to a teaching on Jonah and being disobedient.... He knew that the trip to Nineveh would be long and hard, and then when he got there the tasks would be even more terrifying... so He ran... Why? Why do I do this? When I know that ultimately what I want for me is not even near as GREAT as what GOD has for me when I obey and follow him....

F E A R...

Why do I complicate my life with decisions based on fear?

Just do what He asks, and lay down in green pastures?

I have found that I am addicted to people pleasing, self pleasing, and pity parties...

I want to be all that God has planned for me.....this takes time, I am not a finished work...
I must slow down in the moment, obey his Word, make decisions based on perseverance and going forward in God, not in myself....

I will walk forward in perseverance, laying down myself, all the insecurities and yearning for approval, all the mistakes and heart-brakes, and the broken relationships and bad decisions, all the frustration and anxiety, all of the anger and disbelief, all of the curses and lies of the devil, all of the negative thoughts and agreements over my life, I let go of the fear that hurt will diminish me.....

He is all that can remain...Jesus, my El Shaddai

Praise you Jesus for you are the WORD made Flesh, and I that can feel you when I am lonely, and be proud of myself because You have formed me, and are crafting me to be a unique piece of art, though it may be an abstract piece now, but soon, very soon there will a definition that comes out and the true stature will be evident... Work on me from the inside out, dig out the parts that are wrong and take your wisdom imparted hands to my life and mend the tiny fibers of my being to want your will in my life and territory...

Thank you, Father that you are an active, present, and protective Dad... I pray I always walk in your presence for all eternity...

~E

A poem that I wrote about my baby when she was 3 months old.....

Her ancientness
surrounds me and it leaves me stupid
She reads my thoughts and senses the intuitive
I grasp her newly shaped hand
from which God crafted from the sand
Her spirit engulfs me and joy remains
within my heart happiness is gained
The taste of her cheek is the same as my love
He comes to greet us when the moon is above
STRONG the bond, her heart and mine
there will be no one that can break that vine
Among all the thieves encountered in my past
I bind all of these and my GOD will outlast
Through verse and faith of my love and me
She will inherit all the treasures and kingdom of thee.



My heart she has in the palm of her hand......she is my angel.
We are precious in His sight... and know I now why...
your children are your joy... We are the joy of the Lord.
Thank you Jesus, for my wonderful daughter...